Searah's Museum of Screwy Sex Toys

“Common sense would suggest you clean it using an antibacterial soap or an approved sex toy cleaner on a regular basis, but due to the way WowerShower works & the environment it operates in, the product is pretty much self cleaning.”

Um self-cleaning? No. No, it is not.

Why would one ever discourage proper cleaning of a sex toy? Sitting around in a shower does not necessarily = clean enough to stick in your vagina or ass.

I’m all for shower fun but please people, can we all agree to clean ALL our sex toys and household objects properly?  Great, thanks.

Thanks to Epiphoria for the link!

Hey folks, excellent news! You can now buy anal bleaching cream in mini to go packs at your local crappy sex shop! Apparently some companies think there is a lot fo money to be made on convincing you your anus is too ugly for words. And to sweeten the deal, you can even use this cream to lighten you nipples, scrotum or penis. Yea!

Oh I know, some people really want a lighter butt hole or scrotum to make themselves feel better about how they look or for their porn career, and done safely I hear it is not *actually* bad for you.

But really can we just put all this money and energy into promoting the idea that butts, vulvas, penises and such are JUST FINE THEY WAY THEY WERE MADE!

cockpipe

YOU GUYS!! THIS IS A PIPE YOU WEAR ON YOUR DICK SO YOUR BLOWJOBBER CAN SMOKE WHILE BLOWING YOU!

And then burn your dick off. Or maybe part of their face.

To quote my staff member Kayo … “You cannot use that with anyone who has pubes”

So please watch this  Not Safe For Work Video RIGHT NOW!

You really should. It will make your day (a long as watching someone simultaneously getting high and giving a blow job entertains you). Kayo hasn’t stopped laughing yet.

Heeldoe (for her)

The Office Display

So my lovely mom has started working in the shop helping me in the office one day a week where I happen have my collection of screwy shit displayed. This sometimes is a source of conversation for us, and yesterday she managed to sum up perfectly what I have been meaning to write about the Heeldoe:

“How is someone going to get that in their vagina? It looks like it ‘d be easy to make a mistake with that and get the dildo in the wrong place. I really don’t get it AT ALL.”

Me either mom. And I tried. I love an innovative harness and thought maybe this had some practical use.  Or maybe some adaptive use? But try as we might, none of us could figure out anything even remotely good to say about this, except that it might be an ok ankle brace.

Oh and when I went to their site to grab this picture, I noticed that they now have a Him or Her version (which fit different size shoe sizes. Why not just sm & Lg? Why do they have gender that shit?). Sadly, both versions are out of stock… cause they are SO POPULAR!

“The best part is, you can squat on my dick while you slide between my tits and straight into my mouth. Yummy”. -

That seems like quite a feat for one to accomplish, eh? Really, think about squatting on this and putting your penis in her mouth at the same time. My knees hurt already.

(Mia Isabella Ride My Big Cock)

What is UP with these crazy-ass masturbators lately?

Here you have $500 (suggested retail price) of more limbless fun. Added bonus – a shape that makes NO SENSE.

And hair the same color as her head, which is always hot.

It has finally happened! They made the Perfect Woman! And she has no pesky head or arms or legs to get in your way.