waste of valuable plastic resources

Cockpipe. When you just have to multi-task that blowjob.

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YOU GUYS!! THIS IS A PIPE YOU WEAR ON YOUR DICK SO YOUR BLOWJOBBER CAN SMOKE WHILE BLOWING YOU!

And then burn your dick off. Or maybe part of their face.

To quote my staff member Kayo … “You cannot use that with anyone who has pubes”

UPDATE 2019: Sadly this does not seem to be available anymore. No more burnt pubes for you!

 

This is Kyle

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ac971-kyle-face

 

and for just a few hundred dollars you can have sex with him and his CRAZY EYES!

He does have a legless/armless torso and a giant penis, but those eyes! I really find them disturbing.

Also I am totally not into the whole skin-hair look.

But maybe I am just being too judgy…

F’ing Football!

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fucking football

Hey football & lady lovers this one is for you – A football you can fuck! That is right, just like you always dreamed, you can now sink your manmeat into a pussy or ass nestled inside a replica pigskin!

I particularly love the the way the company suggests using it : “This discreet play toy enables you to pass it around at any party until you are ready to “get wild”*…then both ends screw off to reveal an anus on one side (for the more adventurous**) and a vagina on the other.”

So yes, if football gets you hard or you always dream of balls full of pussy, for a mere $35 you can now fuck your football and live out all your manly fantasies. GO BEARS!

Um really? Is that what guys do at football parties? Toss balls around until they get horny? Who knew?!

** You do no have to be “adventurous” to stick your dick in a pretend anus.