Why? Just WHY?

Oh Poor Teddy Bear!

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Today in crowd-funding sex toys news.. someone is raising money for a teddy bear that basically gives you head.  And boy do they think they have a “game changer”!

First, Teddy Love is discreet and blends in with household furnishings. It can be left out on a bed inconspicuously, without fear of someone finding it.  LETS GET RIDE OF SEX TOY STIGMA!! And honestly, wouldn’t you be more mortified if someone found your fuckable bear that your Magic Wand!!!??

Second, Teddy Love is not intimidating to buy online or in a brick and mortar store.  There is no stigma attached to purchasing a Teddy Bear that happens to provide pleasure, unlike bulky and obvious sexual devices, that may be embarrassing to purchase.  LETS GET RIDE OF SEX TOY STIGMA!! And come on, there are a billion sex toys that are neither bulky or obvious. It does not have to be embarrassing to purchase either. Maybe if you would stop saying that it is, people will stop thinking that it is. (psst, ever heard of buying things online?)

Also watch the video where she talks about people walking around with larger visible sex toys everywhere. Where the heck does she live?

Third, Teddy is so cute and lovable you can cuddle and fall asleep with him after he is done pleasuring you with his powerful 10 speed vibrations. BUT DON”T FORGET TO TURN IT OFF! (Also how does this Teddy have a gender and WHY??)

Last, Teddy Love’s controls are located in his ears. Once in place, Teddy Love frees up your hands for other pleasurable activities. Um. that is turn of pretty much any sex toy with controls.

Also.. OMG CLEANING IT!!

But really, I do hope this goes well for then and anyone who wants to screw their Teddy Bear. Also so that I can buy one for my Screwy Museum.

(Want to red more about how much people hate this.. check out Hey Epiphora’s take here )

UPDATE 9/2016: Looks like the website for the company is gone and the Teddy Love Vibe is no more. RIP dumb sex toy.

Penis Suit!

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penis_suitWell isn’t this dapper! A little suit and tie made of TPR for your wang.

The Up!® Dress It Up! ™ Cocktail Girth Enhancers™ (seriously, how many trademarks does one toy f’ing need?) are made to make it feel like you have a little more meat than god gave you. And while my lack of a penis prevents me from commenting on how these feel (as well as accessing the power and privilege in society that comes with having a penis) I can tell you my eyes are in LOVE!

I mean who does not want to look at your penis and see this? This will set a new standard people. No more casual dicks!

 

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