SnorkelO- god nO!

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52400Dear SnorkelO,

I’m pretty sure you were meant to just be funny but I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

Oh, why you ask?…

1- You can give someone amazing head without a snorkel. Folks have been doing it FOREVER. You are allowed to breath and takes rest during sex. Its true!

2- It hurt my fingers to try and adjust the tubes to fit my head. : (

3- The crappy-ass disposable vibe it came with did not even work! And since you can’t replace the batteries you are SOL. Oh and it is packaged in a way that your friendly neighborhood sex shop cannot open it to test to be sure it works without destroying the packaging. And the disposable vibe gives you 30 minutes of pleasure, if it works. With a retail price of $10-12 that isn’t the worst offense in world but it is going to be a whole lot of plastic garbage filling up the landfill in LESS THAN AN HOUR!

4- Have you even had a vibrator buzzing under your nose? Yeah.. it is not pleasant.

5- The packing claims that this will make you a “Master” at muff diving. Um. Nope. No fucking stupid snorkel will do that.

 

XOXo,

Searah, your friendly neighborhood cranky-ass sex shop owner

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2 thoughts on “SnorkelO- god nO!

    Mike said:
    February 1, 2015 at 3:12 am

    Lol I got one of these at AMNE I thought it was hilarious

    Rivka said:
    September 15, 2015 at 2:02 am

    Haha! I was laughing about this with a friend and I have a weird sense of humor and sometimes I like to laugh during sex so I half considered it for the humor but oh my gosh, its HUGE! Like break your neck at the awkward angle you’d have to twist to in order to even attempt to get your lips and tongue to reach a female partner. I’m actually guessing the vibrator part came first and someone realized how screwed their idea was when they blocked off the wearers nose entirely so oh hey, snorkel.

    I had many thoughts when I saw this-
    1. The guy on the box somehow gives me a Justin Bieber vibe (no pun intended, also gross!) And that just is not attractive but kinda funny too.
    2. The muff dive joke does make me laugh more than it should.
    3. I’m gonna assume should your female partner squeeze her thighs around your head, there’s a darn good chance that bends the snorkel and defeats whatever purpose it may have had.
    4. Good gosh, every time I picture either being between my partners legs with this thing on or her between mine I just crack up. No actual cunnilingus would be happen just endless laughter.
    5. It’s very pig nose-y
    6. Vibes on the nose?!?!!
    7. Didn’t even one of these thoughts cross the mind of whoever the heck decided this would be a good idea?!

    The 30min throw away deal is a serious waste too. Extra bummer yours never even worked and the issues with the packaging and all (though gosh knows, I adore your shop and know you’d never have carried this monstrosity!) If nor for this last part though, as I said I have just the weird kind of sense of humor where I might have bought one and made a show of pulling it out and putting it on. There is something to be said for a sense of humor in the bedroom and playfulness and I’m just weird. The next day I’d probably show up with an actual snorkel and it would become a running joke with my partner and I. 😛

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