Food

Giant Lollipop

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OMG THIS LOLLIPOP! The packaging is incredibly spot on! I was thrilled when it showed up because as much as I hate stupid sex toys, I do love sugar and everything that looks like sugar. And Tokyo Design hit it our of the park with this usable, adorable Macaroon so I had high hopes..

But sadly once you take the wrapper off it is just a big,  poorly balanced, super buzzy, awkward to use vibe. It is battery operated and has a $60ish retail price so I just cannot in good conscious add this to Early to Bed’s collection. But I *can* keep it on my desk to remind me to get my daily sugar intake!

Look, it is almost as big as my head!!!!

 

Eat Candy!

xoxo,

Searah

This entry was posted in Food, Funny, I wanted to like it..., Looks like something it is not.

Foot Long Loser

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Skewing this toy is almost too easy as I assume it could not have POSSIBLY been made for actual usage, but as it does go to some great lengths (get it) to make it seem like a real toy, let’s chat about it, shall we?

As you may recall, I do not have a penis, but if I did, I would be hard-pressed to stick it in this contraption of faux meaty weirdness. The material is such smelly crap. The case is really hard to hold with one hand (and I do not have diminutive hands) and there are these strange hard plastic edges that I can only imagine getting stuck in one’s pubes or just banging up again the pelvic bone in a hurtful way. Plus when I practiced finger banging it, the sleeve kept getting stuffed back into the hard hot dog shell.

So yeah, this is like the worst. I mean like a really great “the worst”, one I am so happy to have spent money on for my Museum, but just a terrible sex toy for actually fucking.

 

 

 

 

 

Oh and the box lies all over the place:

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• It is not a foot long

• It is not discreet at fucking all

• There is no way in hell it is silicone

• And you may note that the model’s underwear says “got mayonnaise?” – NO ONE PUTS MAYO ON A HOTDOG AND IF THEY TRIED THAT SHIT IT CHICAGO THEY’D BE SHUNNED*. Shunned I tell you.

And just because this came up when we were talking about this at the shop, is fucking a hot dog something you think is hot?

 

HAPPY HUMP DAY!

*not related to this, I always apologize when I order my kid’s hot dog with ketchup ad it is practically against the law to do so in this city. I find it humiliating to even have to ask.

This entry was posted in Food, Funny, Ouch!, Stupid, Tasty?, Unmanagable, waste of valuable plastic resources.