Feet
Heel-Don’t
So my lovely mom has started working in the shop helping me in the office one day a week where I happen have my collection of screwy shit displayed. This sometimes is a source of conversation for us, and yesterday she managed to sum up perfectly what I have been meaning to write about the Heeldoe:
“How is someone going to get that in their vagina? It looks like it ‘d be easy to make a mistake with that and get the dildo in the wrong place. I really don’t get it AT ALL.”
Me either mom. And I tried. I love an innovative harness and thought maybe this had some practical use. Or maybe some adaptive use? But try as we might, none of us could figure out anything even remotely good to say about this, except that it might be an ok ankle brace.
Oh and when I went to their site to grab this picture, I noticed that they now have a Him or Her version (which fit different size shoe sizes. Why not just sm & Lg? Why do they have gender that shit?). Sadly, both versions are out of stock… cause they are SO POPULAR!
Luscious Legs: Every Woman’s Fantasy
-
- Luscious Legs
-
- Luscious Legs
-
- The Whole Vibe
Ah, this gem is from about maybe 5 or 6 years ago… old enough that the pink color of the crap-ass jelly material is faded to just barely clear. It is a soft, very flexible vibe in the shape of a skinny lady’s gams, called Foot Fetish Luscious Legs Vibrator
And like lots of the foot-oriented things out there, I wonder if the toy designer even knows what a foot fetish is. In all my long years of talking to people about sex, no one has EVER asked for a vibe that looks like tiny feet, or even feet at all. And for that matter, no woman (who this is clearly aimed at) has mentioned her love of having feet all up in her*.
But note on the package that you can choose to have a “soothing” or a “sensual” massage. So at least this is very versatile!
So besides being a pretty lame vibe power & material-wise, this clearly fails in filling any need that anyone has.
* I am sure there are some women out there who do like feet in and on their whatnots… they just don’t call me looking for tiny fake feet to shove inside themselves.
Searah's Museum of Screwy Sex Toys 