Searah's Museum of Screwy Sex Toys

More crap to put in your mouth

Posted on November 9, 2015

What the fuck is that thing? Glad you asked!

This is the Tongue Star Pleasure Tongue Vibe made by the fine folks at Hott Products, makers of many crappy sex toys and OMG I hate it!

“Strategic design and contoured shape by a leading orthodontist…this amazing pleasure tongue  vibe has an Ultra-Comfort fit  directly onto  the teeth and  causes virtually no discomfort  or vibration to  the mouth or teeth while doing so.”

LIES! And questionable grammer!

Ok maybe they got some third-rate orthodontist to weigh in on this but let me tell you the rest is lies! (and I wonder about the qualifications of that orthodontist.. I mean, if flossing too much is bad for you, how can this NOT be bad for you).

The vibration is laughable. The material is super sketchy and when you jam this doodad in your face, not only does it cause uncomfortable teeth chattering vibrations (contrary to the claims of this high-class orthodontist), but doing anything else sexy with your pie hole is pretty much out of the question.  I get it, everyone is looking for a better or easier blowjob (or lick-job), but this is just not going to cut it as I cannot for the life of me imagine this enhancing anyone’s oral skills.

And can I just add that I never, ever want “causes virtually no discomfort” to be a bar set in the sex toy industry. Sex toys should cause absolutely NO discomfort. Ever. They are made to be fun. Sex is supposed to feel good. Let’s aim higher people!

Goddamn my fucking mouth still hurts from that crap.