Suck My Clit…
Or at least try a little harder.
So I’ll be honest, I’m a fan of toys that provide a nice sucking sensation, so I am always on the lookout for toys that do that, and do it well. I was intrigued by this ill-named number, The Conquest, which looks kinda like a hair drier and sounds like some horrible mechanical toy or something. But then again, the Womanizer is ugly, loud and has a terrible name and I love it so why not give this a whirl?
Blech. I’d be better off if I hand spent that time watching some show with vampires. I hate shows with vampires.
This boastful toy does NOT have great sucking ability and it has this little plastic thing inside that pushes against your clit. It wasn’t painful but I bet someone who is more sensitive might find that unpleasant at the least. It also did not combine the weak push-n-pull with any vibration which might have helped a lot.
I did however, enjoy filling the toy up with water and letting it get squirted out. If it was waterproof it might make a great bath toy for my kid…
Anyway it was stupid and I am getting sick of toys with dumb names and stupid shit on the box like “The Conquest conquers every women!”. You did not conquer this women you stupid fucking toy.
Searah's Museum of Screwy Sex Toys 
May 25, 2016 at 7:54 pm
Every post you leave is a bad review. Give me a good one so I can get excited when I read it please.
May 26, 2016 at 9:35 am
Um hello, the ENTIRE point of this blog is to give bad reviews! And nothing I write anywhere is intended to get guys “excited”. You should be paying for that, never demanding it from people.
June 6, 2016 at 10:48 am
I LOVE your bad reviews. Loyal readers and indeed all sex toy users need to know the worst that is out there so that we can treasure our good toys even more. Your sassy, snarky descriptions (which these products deserve!) are hilarious.
June 6, 2016 at 11:18 am
Awe thanks Joan!! xoxo