Silly me, I thought sex was about pleasure and sensation, maybe even intimacy and connection. And while I know it can also be about plain old F*U*N (as my aunt Ruba would say) I seamed to have missed the part where it is about COMPETITION AND “MEASURING UP”! Thank goodness I saw this crap to remind me.
These motion counters attach to either one’s head, wrist or waist and “enhance your love life” by counting your “lover’s motions, how long he or she takes/lasts, and even tracks calories burned”. ‘Cause isn’t sex better when you know how many calories you burned?
Ok fine. I’ll admit that these are intended to be some silly bachelorette party gift or gag Over The Hill Party dodad, but intentions aside, the packaging, wording and over all existence of this thing makes me really MAD. Especially the fucking fact that they make one for ladies’ heads. Ugh.
And even as a gag gift this garbage is still promoting the idea that how long your can screw/yank/suck has a direct correlation to how “good” sex is. That notion makes me insane as it drives people to do silly things like numb their dick to last longer or numb their throat to stick a dick further down.
Plus, this is NOT the “Most exciting new sex novelty available” (as their flier claims) but one of the biggest stupid wastes of plastic and natural resources I have seen in DAYS.
Really bored at work? Watch their ridiculous video here.
I hate them.