Take the Cascade vibe here. Billed as revolutionary, this vibe performs the onerous chore of applying lube for you. Yep, that is it. It squirts out lube so you don’t have to.
OK, I’ll admit, this is not as epically stupid as the fuckable teddy bear (what? that is no longer available??!?! SEE I AM SMART) but man-o-man, there are some serious issues here. And while it debuted in 2013, their website is gone and this is down to 24% of the original price on my distributor’s website so it seems like I was right again!
Anyway, let’s look at the reasons why this sucked, shall we…
1- The presenting problem it aims to fix: Putting lube on a toy is not that hard!** It’s true, have you tried? It is like super easy to apply to any sex toy.
2- The lube that you are now forced to use: You can only use the lube they provide/make/sell. And guess what the second ingredient is? Glycerin which many folks find irritating. So you can’t use your beloved Sliquid or Sutil or whatever it is that you love with this vibe. Nope. You are stuck with what the makers make for it. So what happens if you don’t realize you are low or out of their lube & you want to get your vibration ON? You can’t just run down to the drugstore and get more lube for this gadget. You are then stuck having to apply the lube manually and you are RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU STARTED.
Plus now that the company seems to be AOL, you are SOL when you need more lube for this toy.
3- The price point: The price was too high for the toy. At about $125 retail, this toy feels cheap.. like all the weight and heft is coming from the lube, not the quality parts. Yes sure, it is silicone and rechargeable, but it just feels cheap to me and I hate that. For $125 I want a toy to feel like it worth more than a giant box of Recchiuti chocolates.
4- How this functions as a sex toy. The tip of the toy, once re-assembled after removing the silicone sleeve to insert the lube, is off center. That is not the worst thing in the world for sure, but it is LAZY. Come on! I know from the picture on the box that you did not intent for it to be like that. And how are the vibrations you ask? FUCK IF I KNOW! I have been charging mine for 4 days it still will not turn on. So yeah, your lube delivery system is fancy, sure, but if it can’t even turn on to get you off then WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE BOTHER!?
Anyway…. If anyone reading this has some BRILLIANT idea for a “ground-breaking” sex toy, save yourself some heartache and let me tell you if it sucks hard or not. I’m smart.
*Full-disclosure. I thought this might actually be cool for about a week before I learned more about it. Like cool enough to inquire more about it and then decide NAH.
** I can see how one could make the argument that this might be helpful for folks with mobility issues, but you still have to press a small button to get the lube out so I do not think it would not be much help.