This Vibe Tells You What to Do, Then Comes Real Fast

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Yes, this vibrator, the My Little Secret Talking Head, talks to you. In fact the little man inside it it tells you what to do and then “orgasms” after less than four minutes whether you are ready or not.

Now, as the angry feminist dyke that I am, there is no way I want my sex toy telling me to take off my shirt or that my pussy is “so tight,” then verbally ejaculate after only 3min 45 seconds. (I understand and appreciate that there are plenty of people out there who like that kind of dirty talk and I say “Right On!” but… do you really want your vibe to tell you that?) To be sure it wasn’t just me that thinks that is a short time for solo play time, I polled folks and almost NO ONE said they use their vibe for less than five minutes, so for most users you are going to have a lot of dead air.

The pedestrian, heteronormative gravelly-voiced directions and comments about my body just don’t do it for me. By a long shot.

And then there is the fact that the packaging says this is silicone. Um. No I do NOT think this is silicone. And for the original >$100 price tag, it really should be. Shady!

Apparently when it was made, the idea was that you could order more lovers or have your own record a message for you, which might be more fun, but the company seems to have disappeared and finding one of these nowadays is hard to do. And I know there have been other recordable vibes in the past (none of which I can find being currently made) but this seems to be an idea that never really took off with people who actually use vibrators. But what do you think? Would you want a vibe like this?

9 thoughts on “This Vibe Tells You What to Do, Then Comes Real Fast

    Garnet Joyce said:
    July 20, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    OMG that is so fucking creepy

    Sugarcunt said:
    July 21, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    Oh my god.
    I’m going to call this the Business Time Vibe, because it is this this video in sex toy form:

      searah responded:
      July 22, 2011 at 1:31 pm

      Ha! Love it!

    Vincent Alexander said:
    July 23, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    So… they want you to pay over $100 for a bad lay and cheesy dirty talk, and the material is not as good as advertised? Sounds like my ex-husband… okay it can outlast my ex… but still >_> Yeah, no.

    Diana Bubar said:
    August 17, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    I couldn’t stop laughing………..but HELL NO I dont want my vibe talking to me — ESP not in that creepy pedo robot voice.

    I really can’t say how wrong this thing is any more than you have already stated in your review…….it’s just……


    Aylinn said:
    August 24, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    So… weird…

    This is exactly the opposite of turning on someone.

    Amélie said:
    August 25, 2011 at 5:25 am

    But this is exactly the device in one of the last south park episodes: “Crême Fraîche”! The voice is similar and what it says it similar.. it cannot be by chance…

    Nikita said:
    December 4, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Fun. You can even put this “Talking Head’ on your MP3 player and record a home made story :’) for your girlfriend. They are for sale now at

    Rivka said:
    September 15, 2015 at 2:58 am

    Ick, that voice! So, so phony awkward too. I like to talk and be talked to during sex (as I’ve already mentioned in other comments my partner and I also sometimes like to laugh and joke, we’re talkers, dirty and not!) And I really love voices. Like always a big turn on for me. Obviously female voices and I was never the target audience for this. There is a big market out there though for auditory dirty talk type porn and eh I don’t know that I’d want to get off to my partners voice coming out of a vibrator when she’s not there but it might help. I sure do like being talked to sincerely and sexily during sex. And she likes me to tell or write her dirty stories. So in some way I sorta see potential. In actual silicone with no creepy prerecorded voices.

    Also I really just do not understand the stereotypical “I’m gonna come” thing. That is like the biggest turn off to me and so awkward. If a woman ever said go me I would be so turned off. As a writerly type, the whole “show don’t tell” rule, that stands true for coming in my opinion too. Just come if you’re going to, if I know you and am paying attention and you’re not completely still and dead silent, I think I’ll probably know, you know?

    I also kinda expected creepy voice guy to either say “that was nice” at the end since he kept saying nice so much or more than that I really legitimately was waiting for him to say “Was it good for you?” Because it just seemed THAT stereotyped and uncreative, fake. Would’ve been funny too.

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