This Vibe Tells You What to Do, Then Comes Real Fast

Posted on July 20, 2011 Updated on July 20, 2011

Yes, this vibrator, the My Little Secret Talking Head, talks to you. In fact the little man inside it it tells you what to do and then “orgasms” after less than four minutes whether you are ready or not.

Now, as the angry feminist dyke that I am, there is no way I want my sex toy telling me to take off my shirt or that my pussy is “so tight,” then verbally ejaculate after only 3min 45 seconds. (I understand and appreciate that there are plenty of people out there who like that kind of dirty talk and I say “Right On!” but… do you really want your vibe to tell you that?) To be sure it wasn’t just me that thinks that is a short time for solo play time, I polled folks and almost NO ONE said they use their vibe for less than five minutes, so for most users you are going to have a lot of dead air.

The pedestrian, heteronormative gravelly-voiced directions and comments about my body just don’t do it for me. By a long shot.

And then there is the fact that the packaging says this is silicone. Um. No I do NOT think this is silicone. And for the original >$100 price tag, it really should be. Shady!

Apparently when it was made, the idea was that you could order more lovers or have your own record a message for you, which might be more fun, but the company seems to have disappeared and finding one of these nowadays is hard to do. And I know there have been other recordable vibes in the past (none of which I can find being currently made) but this seems to be an idea that never really took off with people who actually use vibrators. But what do you think? Would you want a vibe like this?